After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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