That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
