In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
