Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
