and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
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