there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
