Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
