dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
