dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
