I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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