You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
