get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
