i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Randomize
