come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
So much rum. So many feels.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
