Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Randomize
