we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
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