He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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