I'm passing your future prison.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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