So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
and she was petting her beer can
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Randomize
