I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
