I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize