the condom got lost in my hair
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
can u get pink eye on your cock?
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
