No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
