i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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