idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
