I never want to see another naked old woman again.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
