your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
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well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
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You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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