I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
