on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
