toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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