and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
