I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
