you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
