the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
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Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
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I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
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