There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
