She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
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