Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
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