I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
