How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Randomize
