I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
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