I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
