Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Boobs speak an international language.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Randomize
