I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
