break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
