Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
