k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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