So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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