i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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