I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
