he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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