I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize