Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
