Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
is it fun? or sober?
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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