note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
And then he peed in my hair
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