we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
