He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
