yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
