I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
