**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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