If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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