i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
