am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
