im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
God, I missed his penis.
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