You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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