WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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