the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
