Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
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