I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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