i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
