Hey man sorry I got all grabby
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
