STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I just made out with a guy for $7.
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
