Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
