i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
too bad you live with your parents still
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
