Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
