While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize