call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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