two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
