The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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